I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
