So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
