Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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