Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
