im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
