Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
