U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm both gender and math confused
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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