I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
