peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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