Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
