I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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