So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize