Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
