i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
