He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
