Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
