dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
