he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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