SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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