Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
