I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
it's like heaven, but drunker
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize