party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
