god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
