Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
only if we run a train.
done.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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