u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
