dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
we should paint friendship bongs
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