I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
