Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
