I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
