I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
