you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
