The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
