people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
