bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Someone came in the potted fern
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
