Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
