I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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