Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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