Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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