I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
