I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
