Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
