dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
