Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
