I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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