You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
