so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
