when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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