I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize