Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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