i was born a porn star she said
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We need to feng shui this bitch.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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