bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize