I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
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