Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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