Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think I won the penis lottery.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
