dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
