Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Can you bring me the toilet please
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
