We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
