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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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