does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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