wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
