I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
