i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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