flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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