I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
