actually, I'm a sock model
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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