I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize