You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
