it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
