she was so not down for the gang bang
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
that is very illegal...i love you.
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