I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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