weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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