i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
