Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
