i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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