hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
