I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize