he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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