I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
