The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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