My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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