btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
