my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize