So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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