Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize