he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
