i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
