we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Congratulations! We have a period
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
