it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
