We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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