Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
