Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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