mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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