apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize