Jerry, you need to find god
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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