Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Farmville is her only friend.
this just has baby written all over it
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
