You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
