I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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