K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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