That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
