conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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