I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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