Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
