just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
